


Mediation

by inkyopolis



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bisexuality, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, Multiple Partners, Oral Sex, Threesome - F/M/M, mmf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 15:39:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7444609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkyopolis/pseuds/inkyopolis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Owing to his pacifist nature, Kankri agrees to arbitrate a kerfuffle between Mituna and Latula. He probably should have asked what the disagreement was about first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mediation

Kankri’s internal narrator parroted the passage back his head:

"Beauvoir and Irigaray clearly differ over the fundamental structure by which gender asymmetry is reproduced; Beauvoir turns to the failed reciprocity of an asymmetrical dialectic, while Irigaray suggests that the dialectic itself is the monologic elaboration of a masculinist signifying economy."

He paused, reaching over from his book to his cup of tea. Only lukewarm now, but at least it hadn't gone totally cold. He took a sip and put it back down. Running his hands through his hair, he sighed and pondered the words on the page. 

‘Yes, but what does that actually mean?’ he asked himself. Enlightenment was in short shrift. 

His eyes ran across the sentence again. 

Nothing. 

He'd been at it for, what, seven hours now? He looked around and spotted the clock on the wall. 

7:30 P.M. 

Almost nine hours in the library now. Kankri frowned, realizing his brain had packed its bags for the day. Sighing, he tilted his head to the side. A loud -click- came from his neck. 

He looked back down at the page, telling himself, 'Maybe just a few more pages.'

He ran a finger under the words one more time, hoping that if he just stared hard enough, a hole in the page would open and the meaning would jump out. 

A thought began to form. 

'When was the last time I ate something?'

He fell back into the chair, the uncomfortable wooden rungs pressing into his back, chin held low. 

Looking around the library, he noticed few others working this late into the evening. Perhaps not all that surprising, finals were still weeks away after all. 

'Never to early to get ahead,' Kankri consoled himself. ‘Besides, what else is there to do on a Saturday night on a college campus?’ 

His gaze drifted to the window, catching magenta rays of sunset descend down the surrounding dorms. Clusters of students buzzed by on their ways to restaurants, bars, or frat parties; everyone dolled up for the weekend hedonism. 

Sighing, he placed a bookmark on his page and closed the book. 

A voice blared out across the library.

"YO KANKY!"

Kankri closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

'Oh god, please don't embarrass me in the middle of the library,’ he prayed to, what seemed to Kankri to be, an unsympathetic god. 

The voice came closer. "KANKLES AM I EVER GLAD I FOUND YOU! I TRIED CALLING YOUR PHONE LIKE SEVEN TIMES!"

Kankri looked around the library, spotting the bouncing mop of sandy curls coming right toward him. He put a finger to his lips and -shushed-, the cords of his neck bulging with strain. 

Mituna put his hands up defensively as he came up to table. "SORRY, SORRY, FORGOT!" He gave an embarrassed shrug to the rest of the mostly empty library then turned back around. "BEEN CALLING YOUR BUTT ALL EVENING. WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK UP?" he asked, voice not dropping a single decibel. 

"I turn it off when I study so I can fully commit to my scholarship," he responded while pulling out his phone. Holding down the button on the side, a small crab logo came to life on the mirror-black screen, dancing from side to side as the device booted up. Seconds later, the phone buzzed repeatedly in his hand. A pop-up notification chirped:

"You have 26 missed calls.  
3:37: Mituna Captor.  
3:38: Mituna Captor.  
3:51: Mituna Captor.  
3:55: Mituna Captor.  
4:01: Mituna Captor.  
..."

Kankri looked back up at Mituna, concern now in his voice. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"IT'S LATULA."

Kankri's heart sank into the pit of his stomach, "What's happened, is she alright?!?"

"SHE'S FINE, IT'S JUST THAT..." Mituna lolled his head from side to side, his curls spinning from side to side. "WE'RE HAVING A DISAGREEMENT."

Kankri breathed a sigh of relief. "You really scared me there for a second Mituna. I thought it was something serious…” 

“THIS IS SERIOUS FUCKNUTS.” 

“Whoa! Inappropriate!”

“SORRY. SORRY. I’M JUST, WELL, I’M REALLY WORKED UP OK?”

Kankri nodded. Mituna was always such a challenge. Deep down, Kankri knew he had a good heart, but, well… it was just sometimes wrapped in a tedious package. 

“Well, I'm sorry to hear you two are having a disagreement, but what can I do?"

Mituna swallowed, seeming embarrassed to continue. "WELL, WE WERE BOTH LIKE, 'YOU KNOW, KANKRI’S ALL FUCKIN’ DIPLOMATIC AND SHIT, HE COULD HELP US FIGURE THIS OUT.'" 

"You want me to arbitrate your disagreement?"

"YEAH THAT!" Mituna trumpeted, seemingly at the top of his lungs, drawing a stare from the librarian across the other side of the great building. He continued, "COULD YOU COME NOW? LATULA'S AT HOME." 

Kankri looked down at his book. He felt the momentary urge to say no, to go home, get dinner, and try to finish the chapter in the comfort of his own bed. But, he knew this was a shameful instinct. His friends needed him. He asked himself, 'Who could possibly be better suited to help them both be reasonable and rational in their squabble.’ 

"Okay, let me pack up my things and we will go talk to Latula."

Mituna smiled down at his friend. "THANKS KIBBLES! I OWE YOU BIG TIME." 

Kankri shrugged his shoulders and smiled, trying to convey his self-determinedly humble nature. 

"Don't mention it."

\----------------------------------------

Kankri heard the familiar ping of rings being collected in the Sonic as he came through the door into the dimly lit apartment. Half empty pizza boxes were scattered around the floor of the apartment, interspersed with tipped over Solo cups. A pair of legs ending red Converse sneakers hung over the back of the couch. It took his mind a second to piece the picture together: She was playing the videogame upside-down. 

One leg kicked straight up in the air in what Kankri took as a greeting. 

"You ready to admit you're wrong Tuna?"

A trumpet-blast came from behind Kankri, causing him to jump. "NEEEEEEVAAAARRRR!!!"

Kankri turned and shot an annoyed look at Mituna. Mituna looked at him, confused. His eyes then lit up and he exclaimed, "OH I BROUGHT KANKI TO SETTLE THIS."

Latula paused the game and spun herself back up to a normal sitting position, turning to look at the two over the back of the couch. Her freckled face lit up. 

"Oh hey Kankri! I'm glad you came. Tell fish-dick-monger here he's wrong."

"NO WAY, YOUR TOTALLY WRONG TULEYBUTT!" Mituna stammered back. 

Kankri put his hands up, palms facing Latula, "Whoa now. First, name-calling is not going to get us anywhere in resolving your dispute. While there is a place for anger, we need to start a rational dialogue from a position of mutual respect. Now, Latula, I think it might be good if, as an olive branch, you apologized to Mituna."

Latula rolled her eyes but decided to play along. "Okay, okay. Sorry I called you tuna-breath doofus. You know I love you."

"I think it was 'fish-dick-monger' Latula," Kankri corrected, adding in air-quotes.

Latula laughed, "Holy shit was it? That's pretty good."

Kankri opened his mouth to admonish her, but was short-circuited when Mituna laughed, "I LOVE YOU TOO YOU FUCKIN' DWEEB." He high-fived Latula with a thunderous clap. 

Kankri came around and took the middle seat on the couch. Mituna followed suit, flopping down on the last cushion. 

Kankri cleared his throat. "Well, I think we've established that there is a strong level of love and compassion between the two of you. So, Mituna, can you tell me what the root of your disagreement is?"

"YA! 'TULA SAYS SHE GIVES WAY BETTER HEAD THAN I DO, AND I'M LIKE, FUCKIN’ WRONG!"

Kankri felt his left-eye twitch. 

"Ya right Tuna, I'm like primo-better at the succ. Isn't that right Kans?"

Blood rushed into Kankri's cheeks. "You are fighting over... who is better at...," he trailed off, his gaze turning to lock fixedly on the floor. 

"KNOBGOBBLIN'" 

"Oh Tuna, I think you are making poor Kankri blush!" Latula laughed. 

Mituna poked Kankri in the side. "COME ON BROSEF, MEDITATE. WHO SUCKS MORE?"

"M… Mediate," the stunned Kankri managed to spit out.

"WHAT-EVS. DON'T HOLD OUT ON US!" Mituna blurted, as he snaked an arm around Kankri's waist. 

Latula shot Kankri a doe-eyed look as she rubbed her leg against his. "Yeah, don't hold out on us! Tell Tuna that I'm like, HEADS and tails better."

“HAHA NICE ONE.”

Kankri's lower lip quivered. Blood pumped a deafening bass beat in his ears. "I... I.. uh...," he stuttered.

Mituna wrapped both arms around Kankri's torso and shook him. "OH NO, DID WE BREAK HIM!?"

Latula's hand crawled over Kankri's chest, finding his nipple through his shirt. "Maybe he can't remember the last time! Maybe we need to jog his memory!"

Mituna's mop bobbed up and down as he nodded. "YEAH I BET YOUR RIGHT! SHIT YOU'RE SMART." 

Kankri sucked in air as he felt Mituna rolling his package around, caressing with nimble fingers. He opened his mouth to say something, to call off his offer to intervene, but found his words left town without a forwarding address. He twitched as damp lips suddenly glided over his, eyes widening. Latula grinned as she caught his bottom lip between her teeth, biting ever so gently. Goosebumps crawled across his skin. The taste of sweet breath filled his mouth. 

He gave out a small, pitiful moan. 

Latula pulled away, an almost embarrassed smile gilding her face. "Thanks for helping us out with this Kankri, it means a lot."

"I-uh ... uh.." Kankri managed to stammer out, trying to find his resolve. 'A good mediator should remain neutral,' he thought as Mituna pawed the button of his jeans open. ‘And… I’m helping them… right?’ Cool air rushed over his thighs as his pants and boxers were yanked down. ‘Yes, helping.’ He looked down as Mituna wrapped a hand around the base of his stiffening cock. "... sure thing."

"HAHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT HOW BIG YOU ARE. I CAN'T EVEN CLOSE MY HAND AROUND."

Latula looked down at her partner-in-crime, "You already calling it quits Tuna?"

Mituna narrowed his eyes and blasted triumphantly, "IMMA FUCKIN’ HIGH SCORE THIS MEATPOLE."

Electricity shot down Kankri's spine as his friend gave his throbbing organ a big sloppy kiss. 

"Hey, Mituna, smile!"

Kankri looked over and discovered Latula had somehow whipped out her cellphone. 

"O SHIT!" exclaimed Mituna. "KISSU KISSU." He gave a peace sign with one hand as he posed, face pressed up against the monster-dong. 

Kankri realized, yes, he'd been setup from the start. ‘But really, who better to be a sucker for?’ he wondered. And, credit where credit was due, they always found a way past his defenses before he could shut them down. Though he would hardly admit it out loud, there was a part of him that liked the attention the two gave him. 

Latula brought the cell-phone closer in. "Alright Tuna, let's see what you can do."

Mituna took in a deep breath and pushed himself forward, plunging down onto Kankri. 

Kankri moaned, rediscovering the feel of Mituna's mouth--the glorious sensation of tongue undulating its way along the underside of his shaft. He felt his cockhead hit the back of Mituna's throat. 

His friend paused for a second, fighting the gag instinct and looked up at Latula. 

She sat transfixed on cellphone screen. "YOU TOTALLY GOT THIS TUNA. I BELIEVE IN YOU!" she cheered, watching Kankri's cock disappear down her boyfriend. 

Mituna pulled off the rod with a wet lip-smack. He gagged, coughed for a second, and then, looking to his partner, asked "YO BABE, WANT TO GIVE ME SOME INSPIRATION?" 

"HELL YEAH I DO." Latula blasted right back, tossing the cell to the couch. The exuberance was beginning to take a toll on Kankri's eardrums.

She hopped off the couch in a flash and repositioned herself behind her beau, wrapping herself around him as if she was going to fuck him from behind. She reached around, running a hand down through the band of his sweatpants, wrapping a fist around his cock. 

"Holy balls Tuna, you're fuckin' leaking like a faucet!" 

Mituna let out a moan as Latula took a hold of him. He looked up, locking eyes with Kankri, a moment of animal need passing in the glance. 

Kankri didn't think it possible, but he felt himself get even harder. 

"Mituna..." Kankri managed to grunt out.

His friend gave him a dopey, half-formed grin. "YEAH KANKLES?"

His words... where we they? Where had they gone off to? 

Overwhelming warmth engulfed three quarters of Kankri's shaft. He let out an unbelieving groan and slapped his hand down on the couch cushion.

Latula gave the pulsating dick in her hand a squeeze, rubbing Mituna's swollen glans back and forth. 

"Oooh, I think he must like that Tuna." She looked up at Kankri. "Come on, fuck him. I know you want to ride that pretty mouth of his."

Kankri looked at Latula. 'This is... this is...' ran through his mind, over and over… ‘Obscene. Prurient. Vulgar.’ He could feel the fire. It was there, in the recesses of his mind, burning its way forward. 

Mituna let out a little moan around Kankri's cock, as if urging him on. 

A hand reached down and grabbed the back of Mituna's head, soft curls spilling out between knuckles. Kankri discovered it was his hand, a hand forcing Mituna further down. 

"Oh fuck Kans." Latula sang as she stroked her boyfriend's cock. "He's so fucking hard Kans. Oh wow." 

Mituna let loose a strained groan, wrinkles on his forehead rising as he managed the flesh making its way further down his throat as best he could. When it became too much, he pushed back, but the hand—the firm hand--only let him back a few inches before it paused and pushed him back down. 

Kankri's head rolled back against the couch. He felt a bead of sweat running down his cheek. The fire had built to an inferno, growing harder and harder to control. 

"Yeah, you like that don't you." He heard his own voice call out, seemingly disembodied. Mituna grunted, viscous spit running from the corners of his mouth, dribbling down his chin. 

"Fuck Tuna, you look so fucking hot." Latula whispered in Mituna's ear as she pistoned his cock.

A second hand came down around Mituna's head, pushing him down. Kankri’s? Latula’s? Mituna couldn’t be sure. He fought the urge to clench his throat shut, instead concentrating on the desperate ache in his groin. His hips rocked hard, then jack-hammered into Latula's grip. He held himself still, engulfed to the hilt against Kankri's pubic mound for a count of one... two... three… four… 

His vision began to blur. 

Latula felt the pulse of Mituna’s hot stickiness pour out over her fingers.

The fire inside Kankri burned brighter. God he was close. 

Mituna pushed his head back, freeing himself in a desperate ploy for air. He gulped it in, chest heaving, a bridge of spit connecting his mouth to Kankri's cock.

'NO!' Kankri thought with wild desperation. But he didn’t fight the move, instead drawing in a sharp breath, trying to douse the wildfire in his body. 

"Hahaha, shit Tuna, you blew your wad in your underwear!" Latula teased. 

Mituna coughed and wiped the spit from his chin. "YEAH!! MADE IT THE WHOLE WAY DOWN TOO!"

Kankri starred down at Mituna, he wanted... he wanted to fill that fucking loud mouth back up--to grab hold and keep driving into his maw. ‘Slow deep breath,’ he told himself. ‘Focus on the feeling of air passing in and out.’ 

Latula withdrew her hand from Mituna's pants and wiped it on his shirt. "Think that's yours, now step aside and let me show you how the pros do it."

Mituna slid out from between Kankri's thighs, Latula settling up in his place. Kankri watched as she wiggled her butt at Mituna. 

"You wanna return the favor and keep me inspired?" 

Happy to oblige, Mituna reached around to her button fly and popped it open, drawing the zipper down. A small moan escaped Kankri as her shorts and panties came down, revealing the crest of her bottom. 

Latula took a hold of Kankri's cock with a firm grip and give him a squeeze. A drop of pre-cum dribbled down, running over Latula's knuckles.

"Now, where was my rad dudebro?" Latula asked, mouth hovering inches over Kankri's cock. The cool breath sent a shiver up Kankri's spine. 

She looked up, locking eyes with Kankri. The same carnal gaze as he and Mituna shared, now passing between them. 

"Let me know what I get close..." she said, parting her lips, mouth descending. 

Kankri was momentarily distracted as he noticed motion behind her. A tuft of hair flopped behind her bottom. Vibrations buzzed Kankri's cock as Latula let out a deep, contented moan. 

She stabilized herself against Kankri's thighs, regaining control as Mituna went down on her. Like a magician's trick, Latula's nose was suddenly pressed against the flesh of Kankri's hip, his full volume now occupying her. 

'Sweet crab Jegus,' Kankri thought as he shuddered. 

Mituna pressed himself into his girlfriend's mound, tonguing her from top to bottom and then back down. Latula rocked her hips back and forth, grinding back against her boyfriend’s face. 

Her look--the flushed cheeks, the moments between seconds where Mituna’s ministrations bowled her over in joy--made it too much for Kankri to bear. 

Kerosene on the fire. 

Kankri lost it. Comets shot across his vision. Tiny deaths ripped across his body as his hips spasmed. He managed to choke out a feeble warning before his waves of orgasm erupted, spilling into Latula. 

She trembled, toes curling in her Converses as the taste of salt-honey filled her. She swallowed. One mouthful, then another. With a wet pop, she came up off of Kankri. She swallowed again and gave him a big, dopey grin. 

"See....---hah-.... Tuna... told you I was better..." she managed to spit out between deep breathes.

Mituna’s reply was muffled as he pressed his tongue into her, wiggling it back and forth as he dove deeper in. 

“Oh, FUCK that’s NICE Tuna.”

He grunted in response, doubling his effort—probing for the spot he knew—the spot where she would melt. 

Kankri watched through stupefied eyes as Latula arched her back and smacked her hand on the floor.

“FUCK!” she cried, the crash in her nervous system sending bolts careening through her limbs. She bucked back, wiggling her hips against Mituna’s lips as he let out a contented yawp. Her hips shimmied and jerked as throbs of ecstasy coursed through her. 

For a second, the sound of her breathing, panting, filled the room. Then, Mituna fell backwards, collapsing on the floor, his ribcage hitching up and down as he caught his breath. 

Latula got her bearings and looked up at Kankri. 

"Thanks for your --haah-- your help on this."

“OKAY YEAH, YOU MADE HIM CUM BUT I DID LIKE 95% OF THE WORK.”

“Hah, in your dreams numbnuts.” 

A blast came from the floor "YEAH WELL I STILL TAKE IT UP THE BUTT WAY BETTER THAN YOU." 

"NO FUCKIN' WAY TUNA-BUTT!" she air-horned right back. 

"I AM THE ASSMASTER NOOB."

Latula turned back to Kankri. "Tell him he's wrong Kanni."

"NO, TELL HER I'M RIGHT KANNI."

‘Well, I suppose mediation can be an on-going process,’ Kankri thought.

**Author's Note:**

> "Oh noes, how will they ever solve this cliffhanger?!?"
> 
> I'm new to this pairing but have totally fallen in love. There's also probably a million errors in this 'cause I don't have a beta, and I'm a sloppy writer, haha.


End file.
